The Diagnosis That Finally Made Sense

I’ve been officially diagnosed with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) a condition recognized by the World Health Organization for nine years now. But in truth, I’ve been living with it my entire life.

Over the years, I’ve tried nearly every kind of therapy you can name: EMDR, cognitive behavioral therapy, medication therapy, interpersonal therapy, family therapy, play therapy, group therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, and somatic therapy. Probably more, since I started therapy at such a young age.

For most of my life, I thought the goal was to break through the walls I built as a kid or to tear down every defense mechanism that kept me safe when the people around me weren’t.

But what I’ve learned is that those walls weren’t my enemy. They were my protection. They did their job when I couldn’t care for myself.

Healing, for me, has meant learning to give those walls permission to stand down and to remind my body and my mind that I’m safe now. That I can finally be the caretaker I always needed.

When Healing Became Real

It wasn’t until I started working with my somatic and IFS therapist that things truly shifted.

Up until then, I understood CPTSD as a diagnosis and something written in my medical chart, described by symptoms and behaviors. But through somatic and Internal Family Systems therapy, I began to feel what it meant to live with CPTSD.

I started meeting the different parts of myself that had carried pain, fear, and responsibility for far too long. A process beautifully explained in Waking the Tiger by Dr. Peter Levine and No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz.

This work taught me that healing isn’t just about “thinking differently.” It’s about feeling safe in your body again.

CPTSD isn’t simply a mental condition, it’s a full-body state of survival. It’s the constant hum of hypervigilance that can make everyday life feel impossible.

Understanding the Difference: PTSD vs. CPTSD

With PTSD, symptoms usually develop after a single traumatic event. A car crash, an assault, a fire, a natural disaster.

CPTSD develops through repeated or chronic trauma: long-term emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, neglect, or prolonged exposure to unsafe environments.

This isn’t about ranking one form of trauma over another. Every trauma deserves compassion and care. It’s about context.

CPTSD changes how a person experiences safety, trust, and connection. When you’ve lived in chronic threat, your nervous system doesn’t just forget once you’re “out.” It keeps scanning for danger. It keeps you alive, but not always living.

What CPTSD Feels Like in Everyday Life

For me, CPTSD means that even after leaving harmful environments, everyday life can feel like a trigger.

Simple things… Like a tone of voice, a sudden sound, or a new social situation can send my body into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

It’s like living in a world that everyone else seems to move through effortlessly, while you’re constantly on alert for things they can’t see. When my relationship with my husband began, it felt like a nightmare being triggered by one thing after another- Read here.

That’s why trauma healing has to happen at the nervous system level. It’s not just about positive thinking. It’s about rebuilding trust between your body and your mind.

What I’ve Learned in My Healing Journey

• Boundaries aren’t about controlling others. They’re about protecting your peace. Choosing to step away from people or environments that dysregulate you.
• Slowing down is medicine. The smallest acts like brushing your teeth gently, taking deep breaths, or washing your face slowly tell your nervous system “we’re safe now”.
• Healing often feels worse before it feels better. When your body starts to relax after years of tension, it begins to process stored emotions. That release can feel like falling apart, but it’s actually a sign of progress.
• You don’t have to heal alone. Real healing often happens within safe, reciprocal relationships, something supported by Polyvagal Theory by Dr. Stephen Porges, which explains how safety and connection regulate our nervous systems.

A Final Thought on Healing

Healing from CPTSD isn’t about becoming your old self again. It’s about becoming someone new or someone who no longer has to live every day in survival mode.

Some days, healing looks like massive breakthroughs. Other days, it’s just getting out of bed, breathing deeply, or giving yourself grace for needing rest.

But every single time you show up for yourself, even in the smallest way, you’re rewriting the story your trauma once told.

You’re proving that the version of you who had to survive… finally gets to rest.

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References

• World Health Organization. (2018). ICD-11: Complex PTSD. Link
• U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. (2023). Complex PTSD: History and Current Status. Link
• Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma.
• Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the IFS Model.
• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation.